Voiceless

I am joined by Jan Clarke, the founder of Door 2- an eating disorder organisation that offers an insider perspective. She had a conversation with me to discuss my mental health journey and discuss why traditional treatment didn’t work for me. We talk about how it left be voiceless and stripped away the ability to feel heard and feel connected, both which have been key to my recovery.

I share my experience with Family Based Therapy (which is where the parents become responsible for refeeding and weight restoring the individual) which was a treatment method given once I was out of hospital after an admission. Unfortunately this method made recovery incredibly difficult as I began to lose trust with my parents and team as there was deception and I lost my ability to be heard or feel connected when everything was taken away.

Through this though, I learnt to regain trust in myself and others, find my voice and explore and find the things that make me feel connected. I have since immersed myself in art and adventure and recorded the episode on the road while support crewing a run around Australia (hence the low audio quality apologies!)

Going through this, where it was all stripped away only showed me just how fundamental these for us- to have trust, to be heard and to feel connected.

I talk about the initial stages in my recovery where I choose to stop asking ‘what if something bad happens?’ and ask my self ‘what if?’ with a sense of curiosity. And I also share the challenges trying to sit with stillness when my mind wants to sabotage, people pleasing and being in environments that don’t feel  conducive to how I operate.


"To the girl who wanted to be free,
all you wanted was to be wild,
to return to your safe haven in the forests.
To be alone where no one knew where you were,
to go out and explore and let your mind wander.
But because you were sick,
your freedom was taken away,
police were called when you wandered too far,
family was called when you were seen out of home,
you were locked and caged and under supervision.
All you had wanted was to feel the expansiveness of the world,
to let your soul be on fire,
to go to untouched places,
to explore, to move to run,
and to go far,”


You can find out more about Door 2 and the work they do here.

Stay tuned for more episodes to come!

- Explore Your Core